Another Boring Straight Couple: Why I Hate Your Canon

By Tina

August 18, 2016

The other day my husband was looking at a Sim town I had created and populated entirely with my OTPs. He wanted to know why they were all lesbian couples. This wasn't a question I had previously asked myself. I don't intentionally seek out female ships. I just watched Gilmore Girls and saw that Paris compliments Rory and inspires her to greatness in a way that no Jess or Logan and certainly no Dean could ever hope to. I just watched Supergirl and saw the loving relationship under the antagonism between Cat and Kara. I just watched Once Upon a Time and saw Regina and Emma and had eyes.

The way I respond to these couples that could have been is not the way I respond to straight, canon couples. I hate Ross with Rachel. I despise Luke with Lorelai. And Ted with Robin...well...the less said about that the better. Why is that? I examined myself to try to figure out where the hatred of these couples that were seemingly meant to be came from. And then I realized: it's because they were meant to be. To be more specific: it's because these couples - usually the male half of these couples - were made to be the warped idea of what American television thinks romance is.

On Friends, Ross loves Rachel. And he shows that love through a jealousy and obsession that should send any flesh and blood woman running for the hills. Ross can't stand it when Rachel has a male co-worker or - God forbid - friend. His acts possessive of Rachel and marks his territory. He treats Rachel like an object to be fought for. His jealousy causes bitter fights and leads to the first of their many, many break-ups. In real life, a man trying to separate a woman from her friends is the redest of flags. Here, it is a sign of the depth of Ross's passion. In reality, people are autonomous beings, not objects to be fought over. But on Friends, Ross fights to win Rachel because he loves her.

On Gilmore Girls Luke loves Lorelai. But eventually, their differences are too great, and Luke cannot love Lorelai the way she needs to be loved. Luke can't take the first step. And when Lorelai does it, Luke can't meet her halfway. Lorelai proposes to Luke. Luke pushes back their wedding date. Luke claims that he wants Lorelai in his life, but he rebuffs all of her attempts to be there. They have tension because Luke is conservative (in the non-political sense) while Lorelai has a bias towards action. Luke cannot embrace change, and he certainly cannot run off and elope when Lorelai begs him to. In reality, this would mean that Luke and Lorelai simply could not work. In television logic, opposites attract. In the end, the thing that would drive an actual couple apart proves that these two characters are destiny.

On How I Met Your Mother Ted loves Robin. Or at least the idea of Robin. But they want different things. Ted wants a family, and Robin wants the kind of adventure that precludes that kind of attachment. That doesn't make either of them evil or wrong. In real life it would just mean that they were not meant to be. But on television, "meant to be" is a power all its own. A power that overcomes all obstacles and seven years of well scripted episodes.

I guess I just want my OTPs to be more realistic. I understand that television is escapism. And so - in many ways - is the idea of love. So truth in love in television is asking a lot. But I don't need every coupling to be a psychologically sound realistic drama. I just need to believe that the couple has a reason to be together that goes beyond being the two prettiest white people in the opening credits.

About the author:

Tina blogs about She-Hulk at www.Shulkie.lawyer.

You can follow I Love Television on Facebook, Twitter, and Tumblr.

Preorder a copy of I Love You And I Like You: A Parks And Recreation Zine here.

Strumming My Lady Harp: A Don't Trust The B---- In Apartment 23 Zine is out now. Click here to order a copy.